In the event that things don’t turn out the way we plan for it to, all hell has the potential to go loose. It is instinctual to want order in our lives. But one of the most dominant things in our existence is the ever presence of chaos, unpredictability, the unknown–in the weather, in the response and reaction of others around us, in the future. We are surrounded by uncertainties and it is normal for us to want to exert control and authority over the things closest to us, over the people around us. It is only human of us to want to be in charge of something, because then, we don’t feel so helpless and useless.
To gain control over the weather, we began to forecast, so we can know ahead of time and plan around it. To keep the wild animals at bay, we started studying them and caging them so we can have a sense of superiority and boost our collective Sapiens ego.
But the sad truth is that, we can’t always be in control. We can’t always have control of even the things closest to us. Sometimes things are just not meant to be controlled or to be understood. And at times that drives us nuts.
Control is a coping mechanism. It is meant to give us meaning. To give us order in the chaos all around us. Global warming, economic recession, natural disasters, these are events that are beyond our individual control–we know that, but that hasn’t stopped us from trying to control its effect on us.
However, though we as individuals don’t try to control those, we instead come several notches down to the people closest to us–our partners, colleagues, children–and try to put them in order.
We sometimes get to aggressive and passionate about it that we forget it is not our place, nor within our power to control them. At best we can persuade them to do what we want, probably using psychological manipulations; at worst, we force them to do what we want.
The truth we however mostly ignore is that it is within our power to control only ourselves and things pertaining to us–thoughts, actions, reactions. You can only control yourself but you are enough to enact big changes in the world.
Sometimes, going with the flow gives more inner peace and tranquility than fighting for control that we can’t have, because sometimes the flow is not bad for us if we take a deep breath and look again.
We want to know every little detail, everything about our future, so we plan our lives five, ten years ahead. While it can be helpful to have a plan, planning to the smallest detail often rob us of all spontaneity, and thus we leave no room for pleasant surprises.
Not knowing everything has its advantages. It makes us fluid and makes our everyday life full of possibilities we cannot fathom or imagine if we are rigid and controlling.
If we take a moment to look around and actually see the things surrounding us, the things we don’t have, those we try to get but keep eluding us, we might see that holding on to control and fighting for order where chaos is the ruling principle only attracts chaos into the little order we have in our own personal lives and it starts to encroach till we are out of control. It becomes ironic that while fighting for control of what we can’t control, we lose control of the things we can control.
Control is power. The way you use power is what really matters. The same way, how and what you choose to control determines how useful control can be in your life.
Letting go sometimes is the key to being in control. Thus, having control then involves being able to discern between what you have power over and what you don’t.
