Lately, I’ve been working hard on myself.
Since late last year, I developed the habit of pushing past my limits, both physically and mentally.
I started working on my body, running miles till I feel my lungs would collapse but going further anyway, working out till my muscles are all strained and feeling messed up, yet I still push myself up.
I also pushed through my mental limits. I began to read outside my domain of comfort. Subjects that require deep thinking and concentration.
I started asking tough questions that have kept me and a while lot of other people boxed up for so long because we are scared to challenge some set powers.
I took interest in philosophy – stoicism, specifically. Started reading texts by Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius, Seneca and others.
I began to investigate various psychological subjects and theories, and how they affect daily living and progress and purpose.
Why?
Because we tend to forget or ignore that…
The brain is a muscle.
To develop a muscle, you need to strain it by lifting heavy weight.
This causes tiny tears in the muscle that when it heals, it becomes stronger.
The brain is quite similar.
Task your brain far outside its comfort zone by doing things that keep you visibly on the edge of your seat, and you set yourself up to gain brainpower.
You lose what you don’t use.
If you don’t stretch your brain, it’s as good as not using it, and then you lose brain power. Because muscles that are not used will atrophy.
It’s strange and sad to think that a lot of people go about with atrophied brains.
I dread this. So I trained myself to feed on my fears. Every time I want to work out, my heart skips a beat, and I let this uncertainty or fear or uneasiness release adrenaline into my system, and I feed on that.
Now, I love the feel of me pushing past a limit even though it may hurt like hell.
But some days are different
I wake up some days feeling like I just want to stay in bed all day. I want to take a few moment to not think, or read, or write…just float.
It’s easy to do this. Very easy. Too easy in fact, that I quickly repel the thought. Because I’m scared of going back to who I was few months back, when I indulged myself too much.
Today was one of those days.
I felt like unwinding, taking a time to refresh and not do too much, but the thought of that made me feel too guilty to actually go through with it.
So what did I do?
I worked out, went to work, read 9 Laws from Robert Greene’s 48 Laws of Power, wrote in my journal…
But I found myself commenting about a hollowness, and using the word ‘unproductive’ to describe my day.
So I had to think.
As occupied as I was doing the things I loved to do, how could I have been unproductive?
I guess, it’s easy to become too hard on yourself. Once you see a better way, the old way becomes very unattractive and you realise how much ground you want to cover, then you push yourself way past productivity. At least, that’s how I feel.
Taking time to disconnect and recharge is as important to productivity as focusing on the right things. It’s okay to give yourself a break. Because you are doing your best. You are working on yourself
This is the conclusion I came to as I concluded my journaling today. The realisation and acceptance came as a relief.
I hope you remember this when you begin to take things too seriously.
