Feelings were like a burden and I had to let them go. It was like a lead weight tied around my neck while I was drowning in an ocean of responsibilities and expectations.
Fine, maybe it has its place in one’s life, maybe, but I don’t think I care very much about that, not the way I’m expected to. And that’s where the problem is at. It’s most likely the root cause of every other thing that’s gone wrong in my life.
But the part that stuns me is her unyielding spirit. She’s incapable of giving up and she could have done it a million times with as much opportunities at her reach that I gave her. Yet she’s here, holding on to the last shred of hope that my soul isn’t forever lost in limbo, that maybe I could find my way back to her, that life with me is still better any day than one without my snide remarks, narcissism and pride.
She’s caring way too much and maybe that’s why I’m here. Maybe it’s because of her annoying selflessness that I enjoy this gift I hold dearer than her.
But I’m not sure I want to find out yet. It’s crazy and overwhelming. I’ve been there. It’s intoxicating and liberating. But it’s also cloudy and swooning. Maybe the goods are substantial, but it takes one bad apple to fuck the whole basket up and I’m okay as I am. For now.
