Tonight is the 63rd night you’ve been gone.
I try not to keep track. I try to move on and do other things like drinking myself to stupor or cutting myself. Yet those pains are dull compared to the gaping wound you left in my heart.
The nights are the worst because you are always present when I close my eyes. Then I wake up and remember you’ve been gone for that long.
I thought to come after you once, to try to make things right and live out the remainder of our days how we planned we would.
Remember?
That night in my arms when you said you would never leave and I swore only death would part us? When I held you so tight and you found reprieve from your demons in that warm embrace. When you took my face between your soft palms and said you loved me?
Do you remember?
That evening in the countryside as we marvelled at the beauty of the setting sun thinking we would never see anything like it again. Only for darkness to envelope us and billions of shining stars twinkle their way into our hearts, melting us at our cores.
Now the nights are empty and clouded without you. My demons roam free when the sun sets and I let them.
That picture of you smiling that I loved so much is now too hard for me to look at. A part of me fears that you’re happy where you are and I hate that. Because with you gone, nothing works around here.
I wish you were here, maybe I wouldn’t be such a wreck. I remember how much we hurt watching the world around us burn to crisp. But being apart is no better. I really wish you would come back…
When morning comes, I’ll find new ways to forget you, but till then, I’ll embrace the pain.
