“Look.” She said.
I looked and I was glad I did.
She was wearing this ridiculous hat that made her look like a cartoon character. Yet she was the most adorable thing I’d ever seen. The way her smile came out natural, untouched by the heaviness behind her soft eyes, untainted by the crumbling world around us.
“What do you think?”
I just stared. It was hard to put my thoughts into words. What did I think? I thought she was a perfect creation of God, too perfect that she had to be given the weight of the world to try to even it out. I couldn’t begin to understand where her strength came from or the love in her heart. All I knew was…
“Huh?”
“I think it looks great.”
“Liar.”
I managed a smile and looked away as she took it off.
“I think it’s time.” She said.
My heart skipped. I had dreaded this moment and had thought of a million ways I could change it. I couldn’t come up with one she hadn’t already thought of an answer to.
“You really don’t have to do this.” I said feebly, an attempt that showed only that I had lost hope.
She got up, “I do. You won’t understand now. Maybe you’ll never understand, but it doesn’t matter. That you are here with me means the world to me.”
I looked at her. I would do anything for you, I wanted to say, but the lump in my throat got too big to swallow. So I looked away.
She took my hand. “Look at me. I love you, you know that, right?”
I suddenly felt all the emotions I had been bottling up rush out at once. The first tear came, she made to brush it off, but I stopped her.
“I don’t think you love me.” She wasn’t expecting that. Hell, I wasn’t, either.
“You wouldn’t do this if you did.”
“No, I’ve explained this to you. This is something I need to do. I don’t need you to agree with it, just agree with me. I need you, please.”
“Goddammit, I NEED YOU. Don’t you see that? How could I survive this place without you? Look around! This is hell without you.”
She looked around and I did too. It was heaven to the eyes, but she felt the tugging of the demons behind the scene.
Unfortunately, the demons that called to her were the same ones that threatened to take over if she left.
It was hard to let go. She had to let go but I couldn’t let her do it.
“I have to.” Her voice shook for the first time and I saw her. I really saw her without the mask. She was strained and tired, her eyes were bloodshot. I had never seen her like that, so I blinked to be sure, but it was all gone in a flash.
I had looked into her soul in a moment and I finally understood. The demons were not lurking, they had come to take her. She wasn’t fighting to go, she was begging to stay longer and every second was eating at her soul, yet she was here.
That was when I knew I had to let go.
“You were the best thing about my world.” She said, touching my face one last time.
“You were my world.” I replied.
It was cold this high up but in that moment we didn’t care as we looked one last time into each other’s eyes. I put my arms around her and it felt easier to just let go. The pain of having her that close was heavier than I could bear. Yet she felt like home.
I let go.
She turned her back to me, walked to the edge of the cliff. “I’ll see you soon.” She said with finality.
She spread her hands and fell.
I rushed to the edge. She was falling fast and free. Then she wasn’t.
She was flying downward gracefully. I knew she would hit the ground soon and be shattered but she was as beautiful as the first day she walked into my life, with grace. And there she was leaving that same way.
I turned back and waited for the thud. But the waves came, the waves welcomed her home. And I never heard her leave.
